Hmmm
This is a good peace. It fits the theme, which is good, but it does suffer quite a bit from monotony, simply put, you really need a lot more variation in pitch, that main strings? section was the same the whole way through, and, while in some songs that works, in this case, it killed the song. You really needed more variation in both instruments and in pitch, depth and texture to carry the feel of the song.
You had some nice riffs, but that was all they were, riffs repeated over and over and then stopped, carry out the melody, play it out, lengthen it, test different sections, expand others.
You had some drums, but there was a definite lack of drums in this, add a few more, use different ones to establish a beat and then carry it on. Along those lines, this type of song generally needs a strong beat, with those strings and other instruments doing sweeping 'plains music' it didn't quite carry the whole idea. More articulation and stronger emphasis on certain beats, eg the fourth would have improved it a lot.
The starting, strange harp? section really did not fit. At all. That should have been scrapped.
Otherwise it was not too bad.