Wow, that was very impressive animation, smudging the smoke of the ciggarette and smudging the fire bit would have made it look better. A little too short though. But all the same very very imressive. Good work I hope to see more.
Ten out of ten for effort, style and quality, I ad a laugh as well so an added bonus. Your first? You are very talented and I hope to see more of what you make. It only gets better from here. two thumbs up keep up the good work.
Go big or go home is what I say. If its not the best I can do, its not worth doing. Thanks for the kind words.
Wat the heck is this?
What the heck???!
come on make this more animated and interesting rather than just a religous figure bouncing up and down on the newgrounds tank.
put some effort into storylining and animation that has the same sort of relevance but is more like a movie than a powerpoint slide show please!
Platform without jumping?
You can't have a platform game without jumping, otherwise its not a platform game, its too easy as well, there really isnt any challenge and the bland style needs to be livened up with more things in the background and collectibles.
You have something in this song, and if I'm correct, you have some sound libraries from Eastwest now, no? So you'll be able to pull a really powerful piece if you put your back into it.
Now. Into the piece. You have a good premise, it's true, the sound isn't brilliant, but I can hear what you're up for.
First and foremost point I noticed immediately. You need more dynamic contrast. I'm sure you are familiar with the concept of normalisation. Anything sufficiently repeated becomes normal, and uninteresting. You may walk into a new land and stare at all the new exotic things, but stay there a few months, and you'll cease to be amazed. This concept applies everywhere.
Without sufficient contrast, anything will become mundane and boring after a time. Light does not exist without shadow, or the potential for shadow, love without the potential or reality of hate, beauty without ugliness, softness without hardness, kindness without cruelty. Each of those opposites is, in a sense, DEFINED by its counter. If a world had no ugliness, it would have no beauty, as there would be nothing to compare it to. Kindness without cruelty would simply become a normal attitude, and the common themes we attach to it would be meaningless.
The same with this piece. To properly portray sadness, you must contrast it. And I don't mean sudden happy/sad fluctuations. It's a bit more complicated then that.
Consider poignancy. We can say a movie is sad. And we may not necessarily be affected. But if it was a touch of sadness and a touch of happiness; in other words, POIGNANT, it gains a whole new amount of meaning.
Remember what it is that sits behind the word, lament. The definition:
"A song or hymn of mourning composed or performed as a memorial to a dead person."
"A cry of sorrow and grief."
"A mournful poem; a lament for the dead."
Question. Why does someone lament? Because they are mourning the happiness that they have lost. They are contrasting the happiness and the sadness. The grief is brought about because happiness and connection existed at some point. They are lamenting because the whatever was lost meant something to them deeply.
Try to convey this. Convey the sense of happiness or meaning past, and the grief of it lost. Contrast the heavy deep pain (bass vocals, drums, bass strings etc) to the higher, lighter more wistful memories (flutes, higher strings, altos, etc). Carry the thread of memory and loss intertwined, joy and sadness.
Also remember to control the tempo of the piece. Some parts slow, some fast. Create contrast. Powerful, quiet. Ringing agony, sighing memory. Sweeping pain, huddled regret.
Life is our muse. Call upon her observe, consider, construct, deconstruct. Examine in great thought the mysteries behind what it is you want to convey. UNDERSTAND it.
If it doesn't make you feel, then how can you expect us to feel. If you leave it for a week or two, and it strikes you to the core, then it might with us. But remember, you have built a strong emotional attachment because you built it. Listening will invoke that attachment, so you aren't an impartial observer. Ask someone you trust how it affects them.
The power of those pieces of art that are truly poignant and beautifully sad is in their ability to contrast the element that they are portraying. Their ability to summon it in all it's glory and power.
Good luck with your project. I know this isn't really a shred of the song itself, more of a consideration of what should be going on behind the actual production of the song. I hope it's helpful in some way.
Thank you ! It is very usefull. I greatly appreciate the review and advices. I especially find the ideas regarding contrast to be extremely useful. Again, thank you !
Apologies for taking so long to get back to you. I have a lot on right now, and it generally takes me about an hour or so to review a piece.
Alright. This isn't too bad, per se. You have some decent concepts, but they're overshadowed somewhat by unnecessary extensions and a lack of anything particularly catchy.
The beginning is fairly important in a song, many people will skip a song if the beginning isn't interesting enough. Especially with electronic music. You can get away with it in classical, but techno is generally listened to because of it's punchiness.
The beat is far too simple to draw people in. Indeed, it puts you off. Because the beginning is somewhat boring, we expect the rest of the song to be as well. The high... thing is harsh on the ears, pull out some of the higher frequencies, they literally hurt my ears with these headphones - and I'm not even going overly loud. Basically, all parts with that really shrill, tinny sound need to have the higher frequencies pulled out.
You have a good premise with the main tune, however, what you have is a backing tune, not a major one. You need something on top of that to catch the listener's attention. Something punchier, harder. THe contrast will help your piece immeasurably.
The main problem with the tune is that it's a flowing one. Everything is a flowing part, you need something to contrast that, so that it's imphasised. It's a good tune, but it needs something more to actually work properly.
The beat is also too simplistic. Bring in a few more beat structures and layer in a bit more complexity, make us bob our heads to it. What you have right now sounds rounded off. There needs to be a definite punch, or hard sound to it. The beat, in itself, is fine. But, as with all the other parts of the song, it needs an extra little something to properly work.
The middle of the song has a very nice blending of melodies and counter-melodies, but they would work even better if they were contrasted with a harder beat and melody structure and sound.
So essentially. What you have in this song is good. But it's half a song. It has a lot of potential, but you need to spend some time adding in the necessary other half.
Do that and you'll probably end up in the top bunch of artists here.
So remember, punch and power. You need a bit more complexity in the beats, a whole bunch of harder elements and a more definite melody section. This is techno, so make us dance!
Or, failing that, at least make us want to bob our heads in time. :P
Good luck! Krayon.
If you ever get this, listen to the the re-done version of this song. It is much much better. Also listen to my new songs. Resonance, and Stalemate are two songs that i produced in the last 2 months. I am more proud of the latter, but I spend an equal amount of time on both. Thank you for reviewing this song. I had never actually read this review. I am glad i can come and look back at it in retrospect. It is very helpful and i did redo the song, so...please listen to the new version, and my other songs. Even if you don't leave a review (which i hope you do), see the progress that i have made.
You just got majorly tripped up by your style man. All that calming music just sent you flying head over heels down the hill.
Because I don't have very many characters to use, and a lot to get through, please allow me to be purely straightforward. It may seem harsh, I am not intending to be insulting, however, I won't be able to spare the extra diplomacy cushioning, sorry.
Ok. Coupla good motifs. But a bit haphazard and badly blended.
1. Begginning 0:00 to 0:30
This is a good intro. But TOO SLOW. Key words in name and theme. FLYING. WIND.
Both are quick. This is slow. You need to increase the tempo of the entire song. It needs to be faster, lighter, more quicksilver. It needs to SOAR!
2. 0:34 to 0:50. Good motif. Too slow. Too simple for what it's conveying and what comes next. Needs a bit of work. You may want to take a look at the soundtrack from Beyond Good and Evil. http://www.stormeffect.com/beyond/ind ex.htm
It has some excellent pieces, and is well worth listening to.
3. 0:50 to 1:05. Ok. I've identified three separate sections that lead up to a really nice quick part that surprised me. But the parts preceding this and after are let down by the fact that they are separate, and do not lead on one from the other. While they are blended, you need to work them together more cohesively, so that one leads to the next and builds upon what we have heard before.
This is a song about flying, and I'm guessing that 1:05 to 1:21 is the soaring part. You really need to underline that part and draw the listeners on so that they leap forth and really fly with you.
Another point is that the emotion isn't so good either. It's not picking me up and flying me along. This point in particular has a bit too much inflection. Try to watch dynamics a big, soften the note strikes just a touch. There's one thing to go loud and another to go banging loud.
4. 1:05 to 1:21. This was definitely the best part of the song. But it needs better execution. I can hear you stretching yourself, which is really good. But really try to practice it more, as it needs to be a touch smoother and I shouldn't be hearing the slight hitch ups that break the tempo just a touch.
The backing is not helping at all. It greatly undermines the effect by being so low and calming. The background needs to emphasise the foreground, and the foreground build on the background.
5. 1:22 to 1:56. This part does not belong in the song at all. Not only is it like a great big wall breaking our soaring, but it also jarrs with the overall theme. You need to set the listeners down gently, not pulverise them.
Essentially, take this part out, while there is a somewhat smooth transition, there are better ways to do it.
6. 1:57 to end. Nice. In another piece. But this is a piece about flying, and soaring in the wind. Not about life and memory. Thus inappropriate, and far far too slow.
In essence, you've been far too introspective, and inside your comfort zone in this piece. Your natural style doesn't help this piece, rather, it hinders it. You need to only take a few elements of your natural style and get rid of the slower ones. Try to instill a sense of wonder and joy into us as listeners, not a sense of calm and peace.
We are not trying to be zen with the wind. We are trying to fly in it.
Make us fly please.
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